Ed Protzel

Genre-stretching novelist — Author of darkly ironic fiction

Earth Excursions


Futuristic tragicomedy in the guise of a political mystery/thriller

In the near future, the Earth has become a popular tourist destination for Alien civilizations. ANDY EINSTEIN, a broke, disillusioned writer, has lucked into a lucrative job as a tour guide at the Old Tyme Earth Inn, a wild, exclusive luxury resort for wealthy Aliens. But Andy quickly finds the Inn’s excessive Security oppressive: everything he does is seen and heard.

His boss, BUDDY HAWKE, a former military hero, informs Andy that the Earth has applied for full membership in the Galactic Union, which would open unlimited horizons to the human race. But Third World countries of our planet are descending into chaos, with military coups and wars running rampant.

Andy’s tour partner, STAZEY LOMAN, the idealistic, wayward daughter of the U.S. President, warns him that our violent side could get humanity quarantined forever! And she believes their employer, titanic Earth Excursions, is behind the world’s growing instability. Is she paranoid? or onto something? 

The pair is assigned to guide the Earth’s most advanced Alien tourist, ALDO, a mere Wolvzen pup—who speaks like an upper-class Englishman and is secretly investigating Earth for the Galactic Council. They soon discover that Earth Excursions will do anything to acquire hard galactic currency, and that Earth’s mysterious “big attraction” is our most aberrant, albeit spectacular, extravaganza. Will man’s warlike tendencies, so profitable now, snuff out our hopes, or will our constructive side open the universe to us?

While taking Aldo to observe a Mesoamerican war, the group’s observation saucer goes down into the rain forest. Suddenly, a jungle Death Squad stands between them and getting clues to a plot that is fomenting dictatorships—and wars—for profit. Can Andy and Stazey uncover the proof they need and return safely to the Inn? Who is behind it? The Earth Excursions director, CONRAD KURTZ, a suave European? Buddy Hawke? Can they outsmart the omniscient Inn’s Security to rescue a group of imperiled democracy advocates, escape to the outside, and proclaim the truth to the world?

In the end, the central conflict lies in the true nature of humankind—the human element. Are we greedy and warlike? or creative and constructive? The answer will determine whether mankind’s future is one of Earthbound, galactic pariah, or space-going members of a peace-loving galaxy? Isn’t this the choice our human civilization must make today and every day?

Original screenplay for feature film available for option; contact Ed Protzel.
(Novel version in-progress)

© Copyright 2017 Ed Protzel